A Safety Reminder for Pageant Families, Parents on Poaching and Grooming

Beware of Wolves in Sheep's Clothing! 

 A Safety Reminder for Pageant Families, Parents & Contestants on Poaching and Grooming!

After being an advocate for bullying prevention, mentor, and parent coach for a nonprofit for over 26 years, I am sometimes very disheartened when I continue to see negative social behaviors that are increasing.

Although some of these traits have to be tolerated, there are a couple that concern me, lack of respect for others and even organizations, and safety.

How do we keep our children safe in a world of the internet, social media, predators, and just the people we would never expect to be hurtful? Let's face it, the latter is the most common and the one we need to look out for. We often hear about sex trafficking, sexual predators, and child pornography. This blog is not about those issues; that's a whole other subject. I am talking about the other predators and stockers. In this article, I will call them "Poachers and Groomers".  

The internet can be a fantastic place to learn, connect, and share your achievements — especially if you're involved in pageants, competitions, modeling, or community events. But it's also a place where poachers can hide behind screens, pretending to be something they're not. 

Many poachers target girls by promising exciting opportunities — a modeling contract, a guaranteed pageant win, or special "insider" access to events. They know exactly what to say to make you feel special and wanted. That's why understanding the warning signs and building healthy online habits is so important. 

Lately, we've been hearing a lot about people who target young girls through texting, DM's, social media, usually immediately following an event, and even at pageants and modeling competitions. They often promise things like "better opportunities," "exclusive modeling contracts," or "help to win your next title." It's always something to take your mind off the competition you did not win, and they sometimes put down the organization and give you reason to doubt your past choices that they can "fix" for you.  

These people, some predators, some poachers, might make you feel like you're special because they "see potential" in you — but this is precisely how they gain trust. These propositions can be dangerous traps. They also go against parents' rules or the program, or act behind their backs.

IMPORTANT: You are already special. Your worth doesn't depend on someone else's approval, a crown, a title, a win, or a modeling opportunity. (Especially if they are asking you to pay). The right opportunities will come through safe, trusted channels — never through secrecy or pressure. 

For instance, Pageants sometimes send out letters inviting you to an open call to learn about the organization. They purchase lists from schools to mail the letters, or they advertise on social media platforms, inviting you to learn more.

If a legitimate designer or producer is holding a modeling show, they will approach a modeling agency for clients.  

"Stay Alert: Protect Yourself from Groomers!"

A groomer preys on people. It is the manipulative actions and behaviors of predators/poachers/etc. Use to gain their victims' trust and access, with the intent of exploiting or abusing them, according to The National Center for Victims of Crime. 

The following is from https://victimsofcrime.org/grooming-dynamic/:

This process often involves building an emotional connection, isolating the victim from their support network, and gradually introducing inappropriate behaviors or requests. 

The grooming process

• Targeting the victim: Predators identify individuals who may be vulnerable due to factors like isolation, low self-esteem, or difficult family situations.

• Building Trust: They develop a relationship with the victim, and potentially their family, often by being helpful, attentive, and seemingly caring. They may offer gifts, favors, or a sympathetic ear.

• Fulfilling Needs: Predators may exploit the victim's needs, offering support, attention, or a sense of belonging to create a dependency.

• Isolation: The perpetrator attempts to isolate the victim from their friends, family, and other protective sources, reinforcing the victim's dependence on them.

• Desensitization: The perpetrator may introduce increasingly inappropriate behaviors or sexual content, normalizing it for the victim and breaking down their inhibitions.

• Initiating Abuse: After establishing power and control, the perpetrator may engage in sexual abuse or exploitation.

• Maintaining Control: Perpetrators use tactics like threats, guilt, blame, or the victim's affection to maintain control and ensure the abuse continues in secrecy. 

As you can see, the warnings are the same as the helpful hints I have written below. It is important to remember that grooming can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background.

It is crucial to be aware of the signs of grooming, both in oneself and in others, and to seek help if there are concerns. Organizations like RAINN https://rainn.org/ and the NSPCC (https://www.ojp.gov/taxonomy/term/national-society-prevention-cruelty-children-nspcc) provide resources and support for victims of grooming and sexual abuse. 

Here are some of Crossroads' helpful hints, parents:

• Keep an eye on your daughter's social media accounts. 

• Talk openly about what "too good to be true" looks like. 

• Make sure any opportunity is vetted by you, the director, or a reputable organization. 

• If someone approaches you or your daughter with big promises but wants to move conversations off public pages or keep things secret — that's a red flag.

• Most importantly, ask your daughter if these people are contacting her without going to you first; that's a red flag. 

• Your Worth Isn't in Their Promises. Predators often start by complimenting you — telling you you're "different" or "exactly what they're looking for." It feels flattering, but remember: your value is not based on someone else's approval or a crown. The real people who care about your dreams will never pressure you into secrecy or rush you into decisions. 

• Recognize the Red Flags. Here are some common tactics predators use online: 

• Asking you to move from public platforms (Instagram, Facebook) to private messaging apps. 

• Promising guaranteed wins, titles, or contracts for a "small fee" or in exchange for private photos. 

• Asking for personal information (address, phone number, school name) early in the conversation. 

• Wanting to meet alone without a parent or guardian present. 

• If any of these happen, stop responding, block them, and tell a trusted adult immediately. 

Set Boundaries for What You Share 

Even something as simple as posting a picture in your sash can give away details about where you live or what event you're attending. Protect yourself by: 

• Avoiding location tags in real time. 

• Keep your accounts private and only approve followers you know. 

• Being mindful of photos in school gear, team uniforms, or in front of recognizable places. 

• Talk Openly with Your Parents or Guardians. It's not about being "in trouble" — it's about being safe. Tell them if someone new messages you, especially if they mention opportunities, prizes, or travel. You don't have to figure it out alone. 

• Remember: Real Opportunities Are Transparent. Legitimate pageant directors, modeling agencies, and event organizers will: 

• Have a verified online presence. 

• Be willing to talk openly with your parents. 

• Never require secrecy. 

• Provide contracts and details in writing. 

• If they rush you, try to separate you from your support system, or make you feel guilty for asking questions — walk away. 

• Check out their websites; people may pose as members who are not affiliated with the organization.

  

Parents' Quick Guide to Social Media Safety for Girls (this is also available in a PDF.)

1. Know Their Platforms.

Stay familiar with the apps your child or teen uses (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, etc.). 

Follow or friend them to see what they post publicly. 

2. Set Privacy Controls 

Keep accounts private whenever possible. 

Approve followers — no strangers. 

Turn off location tagging for posts and stories. 

3. Watch for Red Flags 

·      Strangers offering "opportunities" or promising wins. 

·      Requests to move conversations to private apps. 

·      Secrecy about a new friend or opportunity. 

·      Urgent requests for personal info or photos. 

4. Teach Them to Trust Their Instincts 

·      If it feels weird, it is weird. 

·      It's okay to say "no" or block someone. 

5. Be Involved in Opportunities 

·      All meetings should be in public places, with a parent present. If you are under 18 and someone contacts you and not your parents, this is a red flag, even if they "say" they are your age or younger.

·      Research every offer — check for verified websites, references, and reviews. 

6. Keep Communication Open 

Let your child/teen know they can tell you anything without fear of getting in trouble. 

·      Review messages together if something feels off. 

·      About Poaching, how it differs from predators

·      We want to remind everyone in our community that recruiting or persuading members of another team, organization, or program to leave and join yours — especially in secret — is considered "poaching" and is not acceptable or professional in any way. 

Poaching not only undermines trust but also damages relationships between organizations, potentially creating unnecessary conflict.

Ethical recruiting means: 

• Being transparent about who you are and what you're offering is crucial. 

• Reaching out only to people who have openly expressed interest in change. 

• Never making false promises or using pressure. 

• If someone approaches you privately about leaving your current team or program, especially with offers that seem "too good to be true," please notify your coach, director, or parent. 

A healthy community is built on respect, honesty, and fair opportunities — not on secrecy or taking from one another. Let's work together to keep our space safe, supportive, and uplifting.

Final Thought: Let's keep our families safe from the everyday poachers — crowns, contracts, and dreams should never come with risks to your safety.

Your dreams are worth protecting. Learn from your wins and losses; your turn will come. You are already talented, beautiful, and valuable without shortcuts or secret deals. The right opportunities will lift you, not put you at risk. 

Stay smart. Stay safe. Shine bright.

Love, Deb